


A Story About Regeneration

by LadyNightbird



Category: The Missing: J.J. Macfield and the Island of Memories (Video Game)
Genre: Canon Trans Character, Canon-Compliant, Established Relationship, F/F, Post-Canon, Tags Contain Spoilers, Transitioning, sappy and sweet, very lesbian activity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-21 03:36:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16568897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyNightbird/pseuds/LadyNightbird
Summary: J.J. Macfield's final regeneration wouldn't be the kind that healed flesh and bone. It was slower, softer, and best  of all? She was no longer alone.Post-canon, soft slice of life from J.J.'s transition.





	A Story About Regeneration

“So Abby told me I needed this bleach powder stuff…” J.J. knelt in the beauty store’s hair dye aisle, and Emily bent over her shoulder to look. “But… oh. There’s like ten kinds.” Different strengths, colors, even  _ scents  _ lined the shelf. Since when did they start making apple-scented bleach? Or purple toned? “I should have asked her for specifics, huh?” 

Emily  _ hmm _ ed in mutual confusion. Her hand descended on J.J.’s shoulder as she knelt beside her girlfriend, picking up one of the weighty powder tubs. “‘Use blue tones to cancel out coppery tones in your hair before dyeing,’” she read off the back. “Um. Your hair is black so, would it depend on what  _ blonde  _ you wanted? Maybe pick that first.”

“Already picked it out from the catalogue. Ash Blonde 5,” J.J. said, standing so she could cross the aisle to the opposite shelf and comb over the samples. Her chosen color was the same one she’d had in the dream- a light but shiny and golden blonde. Her heart ached just a little bit with the raw happiness of it. One more step to the vision of who she wanted to be. Who she  _ was _ , really. The box of dye was a similarly reflective gold, printed with instructions and warnings in tiny print. A few pictures on the back gave examples of how the dye would look applied on different shades of brown hair. “We’re gonna have to bleach the hell out of me to get it as light as I want it.”

“Good thing we’ve got all vacation to fix it if I mess up. I’ve never done this before.” Emily chuckled nervously. “Are you sure you don’t want Abby to do it?”

J.J. nodded seriously. “She’s experienced, but you’ve never seen her. I think she just splats dye on her hair, totally randomly.” Abby’s latest dye job had looked like an art piece. But like, the kind of art piece that was really just a lot of random shapes on a canvas. It reminded JJ way too much of how badly she’d failed at the art interpretation segment in the one arts class she’d had to sign up for. Abstract? Wasn’t that what it was called…? She hadn’t been paying too much attention, frankly. “It looks good on her, but definitely not for me.” To say nothing of how badly J.J. wanted Emily to do it, to be close to her. 

Since the dream, Emily hadn’t left J.J.’s side for long. There had been the healing process after her suicide attempt, during which Emily had all but lived at the hospital with her. The doctors had frequently had to tell her to go home to sleep. Emily was more stubborn than J.J. had ever really given her credit for, staying long after visiting hours and curling against her side, the sole warmth and comfort in the otherwise unfamiliar hospital bed. Her doctor had gotten used to it, and most nurses simply overlooked Emily’s presence when she was sleeping and they had to make note of vitals. Maybe they could tell how much safer she made J.J. feel when she was there.

They had talked a lot when it was just them in the hospital room, deep enough into the night that J.J.’s mother had gone home, shooed out by the end of visiting hours. J.J. couldn’t subject Emily to the dream, not the full scale and terror of it. It was too much. But she could tell her some of it, the fear of losing the most important person in her life, the will to live and move on, that beautiful realization of who she was… She’d seen it so clearly. And in Emily’s arms, held close and safe, she’d resolved to embrace it. Transition was a long and complicated thing, she’d reminded Emily. And Emily had kissed her there, in the dark, assurance that she wasn’t going anywhere. J.J. hadn’t imagined their first kiss would be in a hospital, and especially not under these circumstances, but Emily’s lips were soft and she smelled like home, and J.J. had never been happier to pull her close and just  _ be. _

Some months had passed since J.J. was allowed out of the hospital, and she had honestly never been happier. Her doctor had prescribed her the anti-androgens and estrogen to help her medically transition, and Emily had been wonderful in helping her shop for clothes that felt right. The medical part would take a while, since it was naturally a slow process. She was slowly getting more comfortable though. She could look in the mirror and see the signs of the her she had seen in the dream. And as her hair had grown out, she’d sought the next step, bringing her and Emily to the beauty store for the very dye she was holding. Her dream self had had beautiful hair, long and flowing and golden- her own was too short to match it for now, but just having the color would feel right, she thought. The fact that she would get there someday was a hope unlike any she’d felt her whole life.

“Hey, Emily,” J.J. said, and Emily looked up from puzzling over how bleach and developer worked together. “Thanks for this. For everything. You’ve been wonderful.”

Emily’s smile was soft, radiant. Spring sunlight. J.J. had really never imagined that anyone could be so beautiful... “I’m happy to see you like this,” she said. “You look so happy lately.”

J.J. leaned down to press a kiss to Emily’s hair, the hand not holding the dye box settling light and comfortable between her girlfriend’s shoulders. She could feel her warmth through the thin fabric of her shirt. “C’mon, let’s just ask someone who works here about the bleach. And I’ll get you coffee for your trouble on the way home!”

“J.J.!” Emily laughed. “That’s an excuse for you to get a box of donuts!” 

J.J. gasped in mock horror. “My dear, that’s a terrible thing to accuse me of!” But she was grinning, and when she took Emily’s hand she kissed their interlocked fingers before leading her off to find an employee. “I’ll only get  _ two. _ ”  
  


* * *

Once the two girls had found all the supplies they needed and paid, it was a short drive across the city to Emily’s house. Of course there was a quick stop by the nearest Sleepy’s Donuts, by now a very familiar routine for the both of them. Emily hadn’t changed her coffee order since they had met years ago, so J.J. could recite it by memory. With the drink and her donuts in hand, J.J. turned the car back out of the Sleepy’s parking lot and out to the fringe of the city, where the Maine woods started to creep back in and quiet neighborhoods met it. Emily lived far out enough that the drive was just one more obstacle on top of the list of reasons they couldn’t always be together. J.J.’s huge load of schoolwork had been the biggest barrier, but she’d agreed to cut down on it once vacation was over. Professor Goodman had been extremely supportive in letting her take on only what assistant work she could handle.

Emily’s house was bigger than J.J.’s by far- where J.J. had been an only child, Emily had many siblings, some adopted, all of whom were older than her. They had all moved out by now, so the house was often quite empty-feeling, especially when her parents were at work. But somehow it had always felt more like home than her own house, J.J. thought, and she’d spent enough time there to warrant it being a second home for sure. After returning to school, she had spent every weekend at Emily’s, and they visited as often as possible during the week for dates or movie nights. Everything felt calmer now. Pulling into Emily’s driveway was really like coming home.

“I guess they’re both at work,” Emily said, noting the lack of cars in the driveway. “Not that they’d mind, but maybe it’s better they don’t see the awful mess we’re about to make.”

“Aw, they know me by now. I’ll clean up.” J.J. turned off the car, scooping up her donuts and her hair supplies before stepping out. Emily had the house keys so she waited, leaning on the hood of the car- it was a chilly, slightly foggy spring morning and the warmth emanating from the vents was welcome. The trees out here were old and tall, budding vibrant against the evergreens with the new year’s growth. Beyond them the sky was blue, and the sun shone pale but warming, clearing the fog, and perhaps J.J. was imagining it, but the air had never smelled so clean. 

J.J. didn’t see the fleeting kiss Emily gave her cheek coming, only felt the softness of her lips, the warmth of her body, caught the familiar scent of coffee that wreathed around her, exhaled and relaxed willingly into the hug which Emily pulled her. They were alone, but they were alone together, shrouded from the world like that first kiss in the dark hospital room. Emily wound her arms around J.J.’s shoulders, and J.J. devoted her last shred of rational thought to putting her bags down on the hood of her car before catching Emily by the curve of her waist. She kissed her again, on the lips this time. It felt so  _ right. _ Every time she kissed Emily, she felt inexperienced at the art of it, afraid to disappoint. But Emily didn’t seem to notice, or care if she did. One of her hands stroked through J.J.’s hair, lovingly soft, and the moment was slow, sweet.

“Beautiful,” Emily murmured, when they at last pulled a breath’s width apart. Her eyes were still closed, her fingers still tracing slow over the nape of J.J.’s neck. “My beautiful girl.” There was nothing J.J. could say aloud that would mean as much as hugging Emily tighter against her, tears threatening to spill over with how dearly she loved her. She tucked her face down against Emily’s neck, as though she could nestle close to her heartbeat, to her breath, become everything that sustained the girl who had saved her life. There were simply no words. But this, right now, was enough for her.

They spent a moment longer like that, wrapped up in the hug that made the chill morning feel so much warmer. J.J. would gladly have stayed forever, but Emily gently extricated herself with a smile. “Ready?” She gladly took J.J.’s offered free hand, and they walked side by side into the house. It was quiet inside spare the sound of the living room TV that someone had forgotten to turn off, showing an old game show rerun on low volume. There was no need to turn on any lights as the girls walked in- the morning sunlight was enough to illuminate the spacious living room. J.J. tossed her school bag (full of extra work she’d been making progress on during vacation) onto the worn couch closest to the door. Coming back to Emily’s house was always the same, since they were kids. The same comfortable routine.

“Want a drink?” Emily asked in passing, hanging up her hat by the door and kicking off her shoes. “We’ve still got some of that tea from the farmer’s market last week.”

“I’ll get the kettle.” By now this whole thing, sharing the same space, being together, felt so natural. J.J. had wanted it for so long. Of course, pining for your best friend was nothing less than utterly awkward half the time, and Emily was so adorable that it had been hard to keep it a secret. But with feeling more right in her own body had come more confidence, and J.J. had finally asked Emily’s feelings on the matter of dating, and had been more than surprised to find Emily had been feeling the same way for a long time. Funny how things worked out sometimes. J.J. couldn’t remember a time in her life that had felt so trending upwards. Or, when she had been so fiercely grateful to  _ live _ .

The kettle was set on the stove, and Emily set about opening hair supply boxes and reading instructions. “At least the measurements are clear. Last chance to back out! You can’t blame me for messing up once we start!”

J.J. laughed, leaning over the island counter to grin at Emily. “I  _ can. _ But I’m excited and you’re wonderful for doing this for me, so I won’t.” 

Emily returned her smile warmly, and opened up the bleach curiously, pulling out the sealed plastic bag inside the tub. It was a powder, a rather pretty dark blue. “Huh, I guess they weren’t lying. Blue bleach.” She grabbed the scissors from the knife block and cut a corner off the bag, measuring out how much she needed to start and pouring it into the small mixing cup they had picked up at the store. “I don’t think we’ll need too much. We can save the rest of this for the next time you need to do your roots, then.”

“Abby’s always complaining that her hair needs to be retouched,” J.J. said, taking a seat and reaching for her donuts, unable or unwilling to wait for her tea to be ready first. “I just really like the blonde.”

“It was like that in the dream, right?” Emily knew only a little about the dream, but J.J.’s vision for her ideal self was the one thing she knew in detail. “And long.”

J.J. nodded, setting a hand roughly at her hip. “Yeah, down to here. That’ll take forever to get to.” As it was, her hair fell to her shoulders. Her mother always had complained that it grew too fast to keep up with as a child. Maybe it wouldn’t take too long after all?

“We’ve got time, and if you’re happy with how it looks, I’ll keep dyeing it for you.” Emily then poured out and measured the developer, a creamy, conditioner-like product. She scraped it out of the measuring cup and into the mixing bowl with the bleach powder, giving it an experimental stir with the dye brush it came with. Quickly it blended into a cyan mixture, smooth and actually nicely fragrant, far removed from the cleaning supply bleach smell J.J. had been expecting. She set it down to the side. “So far so good. Once you’ve got your tea we can start, then!”

“You’re the best, Em.” J.J. flashed her a grin, raising her brows playfully. “And the cutest.” Emily’s blush was always well worth the effort to compliment her- she instantly flushed red and covered it by taking a sip of her iced coffee. J.J. blew her a dramatic kiss from across the counter. “Do I just know you well enough to make you blush like that, or are you just easily overwhelmed by my potent lesbian energy?”

Emily snickered despite herself. “A little of both. It’s mean to exploit my weaknesses, you know.”

“We both know you love it.” J.J. grabbed the kettle off the stove when it started to whistle, got a mug out of the cabinet, and poured the hot water in over one of the teabags they had gotten at the last farmer’s market. Spicy and aromatic, J.J. inhaled deeply before carrying it carefully back to sit where Emily had prepared her supplies. “Alright, ready when you are.”

“One more chance~” Emily warned her again, singsong. “Before I potentially destroy your hair forever.”

“I’m willing to risk it~” J.J. replied in the same tone. Emily slid a spare towel around J.J.’s shoulders to protect her clothes, grabbed the mixing bowl and brush, and started applying. The bleach went on easily enough, despite the brush being a little unwieldy- Emily defaulted to applying with the brush and working the bleach through the hair with a gloved hand to better spread it. Slowly J.J.’s hair became a matted mess, but as Emily worked, already there was some progress.

“The places I started at are getting a little lighter already,” Emily remarked, parting J.J.’s hair into layers so she could get at more of it. “Once I finish we’ll have twenty minutes to wait, then we wash it out and condition it. Easy.”

It didn’t take too much longer to finish applying, and at last Emily set down the brush and bowl and peeled her gloves off. “Alright! Now just don’t touch anything til we can wash it out- my parents would kill us if you bleached the furniture by accident.”

“Oh, so you’re free game!” J.J. twisted in her seat, pressing a quick kiss to Emily’s  cheek. “Since you’re not furniture.”

Emily laughed and gently pushed her away. “But if you bleach me I’ll have to throw away this outfit!”

“Hm.” J.J. smirked. “Yeah, that’d be a shame. It’s a cute outfit and all. Still, there’s some pros to that situation…”

“You accused  _ me _ of being the perv in the relationship!” Emily said, with mock indignation. “Absolutely rude, I will not take these indignities!” She rolled her eyes, but smiled enough that it was obvious she was kidding. “Maybe I’ll have you make it up to me later.”

“Say what you want, but that sounds perverted too if you think about it.” J.J. giggled, and then squeaked as she had to slap Emily’s tossed gloves away from her face. “I love you!”

Emily  _ tsk _ ed, but shook her head fondly, scooping up the mixing bowl and measuring cups and starting to wash them out in the sink. “Yeah, I love you too.”

“Really, I do, Em.” J.J. rested her chin on her hand, watching Emily across the kitchen. “Thanks for doing this.”

“Of course.” Emily smiled back at her. “I like making you happy.”

“You really do.”

* * *

It was a short wait before they could rinse the bleach out, condition the now light brown hair to some semblance of softness again, and let it dry. Once it was dry Emily could finally apply the color by the same means as the bleach had gone on- and after that was done and washed out, Emily brought J.J. up to her room and stood her in front of the mirror, hands over her eyes so she couldn’t yet see. “And… you can look.”

J.J. eagerly looked into the mirror as Emily pulled her hands away. And,  _ oh. _ She raised a hand to her hair, running her fingers through pale blonde strands. “It looks beautiful,” she whispered. There were more highlights than in the dream, perhaps due to Emily’s inexperience causing uneven application of the dye, but somehow it added to the realness of it all, and to the beauty.

“You like it?” Emily grinned, hugging J.J. around the waist, looking into the mirror with her. “It’s what you imagined?”

“Even better,” J.J. affirmed. “This is… it’s me. Do you like it?”

Emily hugged her tighter. “Of course! And I’m just happy you like it. But it  _ is  _ very cute.” She grinned up at J.J. “Can I complain about how disgustingly you reek of chemicals right now?”

J.J. turned in her arms, pulling Emily in against her chest and kissing her forehead. “Nope. Because I’m gonna cuddle you all morning while we watch old movies and you can’t complain during that!”

Emily laughed, pulling J.J. in for another kiss. “How awful!” She pulled J.J. over to her bed, grabbing the remote and extra blankets. “I guess we’ll just have to get started on that and 

get the terrible ordeal over with!”

Life was just becoming more and more beautiful with time, J.J. realized as she and her  _ girlfriend, _ the one she’d loved most of her life, settled into bed. Emily flicked through the channels, wrapped in her arms. Of course becoming exactly who J.J. wanted to be would take more time, but for now she was so incredibly happy. In the context of having her entire life in front of her, with Emily by her side, J.J. couldn’t have been more thankful for the dream. 

“I love you, Em,” she whispered, curling up close against her. “Forever.”

Emily smiled, turning enough to catch J.J.’s gaze. “Forever,” she repeated just as softly. “I promise.”


End file.
